Crossing Bridges

Planning and preparing are two things I do naturally in life, however, I have noticed I tend to try and cross the bridge before I even get there. I suppose my problem is being TOO efficient, which is ultimately a waste of time and energy - what if the bridge is washed away or damaged by the time I actually get there? What if a different path becomes available? I cannot make solid plans for the unknown, but no matter how often I am reminded of this, I continue to battle the future. Conclusion: I cannot let things be and must control everything, which is neurotic, because there is not much under my control!

There is a delicate balance for me between rolling with the punches and anticipating hits I see coming. My jobs working in a crisis house and on the ambulance require me to function in emergencies and problem solve in the moment. I cannot for the life of me figure out why this does not apply to my personal life. I consider myself intelligent and highly insightful of my own mental health and life choices, yet I worry and calculate what might be in hopes I can control the outcome. I can give, in detail, my five and ten year plan, but who can say things won't change or that I may get in a car accident and die? I am certainly not saying we should never make plans, but rather make several different plans fully expecting to make adjustments along the way. This is something I have yet to master in my own life.

More than anything I want to be a physician and I have many treacherous bridges to cross before I get there. I absolutely believe I need to stick to the main plan of action which is similar for alot of people with the same goal, but I also need to be flexible when the unexpected rears its ugly head. There is no doubt I have the stamina and determination to get through medical school and residency. I do worry about lacking motivation when times get really tough, which is why I want to surround myself with people who will support and encourage me. I have gone months working almost every day and going to school, but we are talking about years of hard work and little sleep. Seems like a crazy idea, but nothing feels more right for my life purpose.